I am the first to admit that I like to be spoiled. (My husband is the second to admit itđ). I like to be pampered, indulged, pleasured or whatever word you want to use to describe the term âspoiledâ. Not to the point of âspoilt rottenâ mind you and certainly not every day, (though I would try not to complain too much were it soâŚ) but definitely having some of my wishes granted. The ideal way that I see the mikveh experience for women is founded on that point. That women once a month (at least) should be given the right to indulge ourselves. To take that much earned and not always available âME TIME.â To my mind the mikveh should be a chance of rebirth, rejuvenation, recreation and just simple relaxation.
However, I know that not just for me the mikveh experience is far from the pleasurable experience it is set up to be. For me: preparing for the mikveh stresses me out. Did I do enough? Did I clean myself enough? Was I thorough enough? Added to this stress, I donât like standing in front of another woman buck naked. (I know: call me crazy but heyâŚ) Since I was a child, I have had a bright purple spot covering half of my back. It is a decolorization doesnât bother me or hurt me in the slightest, but I know exactly what it looks like. It looks like my husband beats me. Not only black and blue but also red and purple. I always feel the seemingly accusing eyes of the mikveh lady on my back as she tries best to evaluate the situation. I am not demeaning in any way the wonderful mikveh ladies. They do holy work, and they should have the courage to continue. I just donât like standing having my back and tush exposed for evaluation and under scrutiny.
Recently my mikveh experiences reached new lows. Where I live there are always problems with the mikvehâs heating. The thermostat of the water heater is the main problem. In fact, the only thing it can be counted on to do consistently is not to work. Where I live we make appointments at the mikveh.   When I last had to immerse, the mikveh lady called me earlier in the day and told me that the water would most likely not be warm because of the thermostat problem. This already induced a slight panic attack. Hello. It is the middle of the winter!! But all I can say is thank God the water wasnât warm. The water heater was not only broken, but it wasnât in place. After doing the ritual dipping, I started to get out only to have my lower backside brush against the water heater. The result was that I got burnt. The pain was so intense that I felt the shock of heat and electricity shooting up my back. Thankfully the thermostat wasnât working so I âescapedâ with only âminor burnsâ. Even that though was way more then I bargained for.
This experience â far from the pampering experience that one should have â woke me up to the fact that we as women must stand up and take charge of this holy mitzvah and speak out. Women should be actively involved in everything concerning the mikveh. From choosing the design, planning the layout, choosing the colors. It should be women who are doing inspections of the mikvehs and deciding what needs to be improved, not men because frankly, it is our mitzvah. This mitzvah of Tahara, that has enabled the survival of the Jewish people should not be delegated to men. I urge you all to speak up and speak out. If your mikveh experience was anything less than the spiritual rebirth that it is supposed to be. If your mikveh experience didnât include that desperately needed âME TIMEâ and you want to think with others how to create that, then speak out. If there was something lacking in your mikveh experience, then speak up. Enough with being reactive. It is our mitzvah and therefore it is our duty to be proactive. Let us all raise our collective voices and make the mikveh experience a better one for all women.
××××ת × ×Š×× ×Ś××§× ××ת ×××× × ×××××ת × ×Š×× ×Ś××§× ××ת × ×××. (In the merit of righteous women we were redeemed [from Egypt] and in the merit of righteous women we will be redeemed in the future).
More power to you .
I applaud your call to women take charge of the mikve experience!
I know from experience that you understand me!!
The way things currently stand is that it is men and the Rabbinute who govern the mikvaot and we are at their mercy. If you want to effect change, then women need to band together and get mikvaot created for them, by them! We need to figure out the funding of them on our own whether via gov’t taxes, donations, or our own money. I’ve heard of makvaot which forbid single women from immersing because the Rabbinute doesn’t like it. It’s our mitzvah, we are expected to pay a fee for immersion, and yet still we can be denied.
I agree with you!!