Disclaimer: This blog contains ideas and suggestions in the realm of sexuality that some people might find forward. They are offered in the spirit of increasing connection between partners and within the sanctity of marriage. The Eden Center encourages all couples to find what is appropriate for them within their relationship.
When young couples get married, it is considered acceptable for people to talk to them and give them advice about the life they are embarking on together. That includes their intimate life, as they start something new. When couples have been married for many years, especially with changes like menopause and an empty nest, they could equally need suggestions on how to enhance this new life-stage.
My husband and I are 50 and have returned to being like newlyweds in the bedroom, although with a lot more knowledge of each other. We are about 6 months into our newfound passion, and I am feeling so excited. I have a few suggestions for all those stuck in a rut after years of marriage:
- A hormone check for each of you. My husband has low testosterone and is now on testosterone therapy. Wow, what a difference! I happen to be in the throes of menopause, but have a very strong libido now that I am off birth control. Both of us want to be together far more than we have in a very long time! We went from intimate relations once every couple of months (especially with the niddah cycles) to expressing interest 3 or more times a week. Whether or not we actually do that, it’s crazy fun!
- Talk to each other, and remember how you felt when you fell in love. That has been the best part. We are doing it, I just love him and tell him so. We have those butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings again when we are together.
- Text each other during the day. We send messages like “I need you”, “I want you”, “I miss you” etc. It increases the excitement. I am sure we will develop into writing more risqué things but this is good for now.
- Buy toys – we were never toy people but looking online, and buying and waiting for the delivery, has added to the anticipation and excitement. There are lots of kosher shops that cater for the religious community and have extremely respectful sites.
- Find ways to spice up your routine. I’ve found different online avenues and books. I find that it can help with getting excited, and it’s fun to get ideas of different positions. Not everything is doable, but it’s still fun to try. I have also just Googled positions and we discuss what we want to try during the week. We also talk about what felt good and what didn’t while planning.
- Just have fun. We figure we have been married more than half our lives and we shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed in front of each other, or in talking about intimate issues.
- Go out on dates with each other. You can keep it simple like a bottle of wine and a sandwich on the beach. Just be together and in the moment.
There are ways to keep the fun and passion alive in your marriage, even after many years. Or maybe it’s even better to say that your intimate life can continually reach new highs, as you continue to grow together.