“I have a 12​ year old son who is very resistant to talking about any topic related to ​sexuality.   I recently bought him some books (American Girl has one for boys which is good) but I know we need to have a conversation.  My husband broached the subject a few times​ and my son ‘shot him down’.  I understood that it’s okay for the mom to address it, but what kind of language do I use, especially to discuss nocturnal emissions?”

Thanks, #pubertyishard

​Here ​was the recommendation of Dr. Naomi Grumet ​to guide a conversation​:

I think the key – at least for me – is stressing that it’s exciting that you are getting bigger, and there are all sorts of changes – and we welcome those. Hashem put in those things as signs that we are becoming more mature, and you’ll see that by your bar mitzvah there’s a good chance we’ll see a lot of things changing. I’m so proud you are growing in so many ways– in behavior, relating to your siblings. . .sports ability, and physically…The list of changes includes voice changes, hairs on the body (underarm/facial/groin area), your penis/scrotum getting bigger and also being able to produce sperm. [depends here what you’ve already addressed]. It’s a really exciting stage, and can also bring new feelings inside.

And also with those changes, there are very normal things that happen, that I don’t want you to be surprised by. Like, you might begin to have more body odor and need to shower more often, and you might also experience something called “a wet dream”. Let me explain what that is– When your body starts to make sperm, it gets stored up inside. Sometimes you also feel your penis getting harder, which is also part of the process of maturing. As your body produces more sperm, your body needs to let some out. You control what happens during the day, but at night your body can release when you are sleep. That’s called a wet dream. You wake up wet, but you didn’t make pish. It’s actually totally normal and you don’t  have to be embarrassed …  if that happens, just put your sheets in the hamper or roll up your sheets and I will know that is a sign they need to changed.  

You don’t ever have to be embarrassed – it’s such a good healthy NORMAL  thing that happens to all boys. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes it comes with very vivid dreams -and they are also part of getting bigger. You can always talk to me/us -and if I don’t know because I am a woman we can find out together.  

And then ask him if he has any questions– now or in a few days, and that you can always find time to talk about it more.