חתונה

The marriage of a son or daughter is an auspicious and exciting occasion. It marks an exciting and special time in a family’s life, filled with deep and  heartfelt emotions.  It is not only a moment of personal and familial joy, but also a profound spiritual milestone.

 

In the Sheva Brachot we offer two blessings with very similar endings: “Blessed are you Lord who causes the groom and bride to rejoice. (מְשַׂמֵּֽחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה)” and “Blessed are you Lord who makes the groom rejoice with the bride. (מְשַׂמֵּֽחַ חָתָן עִם הַכַּלָּה)” So what is the difference and why do we need both? Rabbi Reuven Aberman z”l explained that the first, “מְשַׂמֵּֽחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה” the bride and groom are individuals. The AND indicates that even within marriage, they remain individuals – they should each be blessed with joy and continued growth. The second, מְשַׂמֵּֽחַ חָתָן עִם הַכַּלָּה, addresses the bride and groom together, as a unit, the bride WITH the groom. Here the blessing is that the couple should experience rejoicing and fulfillment together. 

In this context, the time of immersion can be used to focus your personal blessings on your child and the new couple. Accompanying your daughter (or daughter-in-law to be) to the mikveh can be a particularly special experience, offering a wonderful opportunity to pray for your child’s wellbeing as part of a couple, and the couple’s continued positive relationship with you. What blessings and emotions do you most want to impart to your child? What are your deepest wishes for them?

 

The following bullets can help you to direct your thoughts and enrich your tefilla during this significant transition. They are a starting point to inspire your own ideas.

Pray that the couple will:

  • Have positive communication
  • Make each other feel whole
  • Resolve conflicts well
  • Have a strong and lasting connection (קשר של קיימא)
  • Always have eyes only for each other – and find חן וחסד in each other’s eyes
  • Their home will be filled with joy and companionship
  • Earn a (respectable) living and be able to support their family b’kavod
  • Have an easy time having children
  • Feel Hashem’s blessing in their lives

Pray that your daughter will:

  • Experience true happiness
  • Feel valued and respected
  • Enjoy intimacy
  • Be able to positively express her needs
  • Continue to grow spiritually, emotionally and professionally

For yourself, daven that you will 

  • Be a good mother- in-law
  • Know boundaries
  • Make them feel comfortable as a couple in your home
  • Be זוכה to have grandchildren
  • Be able to be a listening ear