First and foremost, if one of your children is about to get married: Mazal Tov!

While the thought of divorce is not something we wish to dwell on when celebrating such a joyous occasion, the increasing divorce rates in our society make it necessary for anyone entering into marriage to be aware of this reality. Understanding the challenges that marriages face today is crucial for building a strong and lasting relationship, especially within our Jewish Orthodox community, where the sanctity of marriage is paramount.

As a divorce mediator who has succeeded in preventing many divorces, I would like to share some ideas with you. It’s clear that certain behaviors—like abuse or serious neglect of responsibilities—are justifiably intolerable in any relationship. However, it’s equally important to recognize that we are all imperfect humans, each with our individual limitations. We are different from one another in many ways, and we all make mistakes despite our best efforts. Accepting this reality is key to navigating married life, particularly in a community that values the ideals of shalom bayit (peace in the home).

One of the common reasons relationships fail is a lack of emotional connection. Disagreements are inevitable in any marriage, but if handled properly, they can bring a couple closer together. What’s most concerning is the emotional distance that unresolved arguments can create. It’s vital to address disagreements and set a time to discuss them later when emotions are calmer. In our tradition, we learn to confront challenges with honesty and humility, seeking guidance from Torah values and wise mentors who can help navigate difficult conversations.

Young couples need to understand the importance of nurturing their relationship by regularly setting aside time to connect emotionally. Learning to express one’s feelings openly and listening to one’s partner with empathy, even when these feelings are difficult to understand, is essential for a healthy relationship. Additionally, incorporating joint Torah study or enhancing your Shabbat together, can enrich the emotional bond and establish a routine of togetherness and shared spirituality.

Moreover, it’s important for newlyweds to shift their mindset from “I” and “you” to “we.” Marriage isn’t just about two people learning to live under one roof; it’s about creating a family unit where both husband and wife play crucial roles. When challenged with a disagreement, instead of seeing each other as adversaries, couples should work together to resolve issues, support each other’s aspirations, and build a stronger partnership. Engaging in community activities and volunteering together can also foster a sense of unity and shared purpose.

A wealth of resources is available to help couples strengthen their marriage, from workshops to books rooted in Jewish wisdom. Find one that resonates with you and start working on it together. And remember, there’s no shame in seeking professional help if you need guidance. In our community, this support can serve as an additional tool to help uphold the values of commitment and mutual respect.

Wishing you much success and Mazal Tov!

 

Mendy Bauer 

Divorce Mediator 

0537981487