Many years ago I met a young woman who had grown up in a difficult home. With great embarrassment she told me about her first period: when she started bleeding, she was sure she was injured (she had not received any prior guidance), so she applied iodine to her “wound.” When the blood continued to flow, she was sure that this was it – she was about to return her soul to the Creator! A few days later the bleeding stopped and she forgot about it… until the next time. At some point a friend showed her how to use sanitary napkins. She drew the obvious conclusion – I’m not the only one who bleeds strangely from time to time, it happens to other women – which means they bleed to death, too! Only after a year full of anxiety, one of the counselors in her boarding school told her that this blood is actually the elixir of life.

Painful, right? 

Thank God, over the last few decades we have learned to better demystify puberty for our daughters; we explain to them about filling out and getting taller, about menstrual secretions, about pubic hair, sweat, the pain associated with getting breasts, training bras and mood swings. We expound on how they will go through two to three tough years, when their bodies will go through a change; it will be very uncomfortable, strange, annoying. We will smile when the clothes are too small yet again, and we’ll console them when their emotional maturation takes longer than their physical maturation but in the end — in the end they will reach the other side of the transition, and be mature women in their own right.

Our taking a proactive part in explaining what happens at this time prevents terrible anxiety. It gives perspective, grants meaning to the transition, enables patience, and provides a sense of belonging – and this is what I hope to do in this short blog, as we examine the second age of puberty: menopause.

Let’s think about it for a minute: after about 35 years of fertility (on average), you cross over to the age of wisdom. The transition from the fertile years to the wiser years is, as you know, called menopause [in Hebrew the age of transition]. At this stage, which can last two to three years or a decade, you will gradually go from having regular cycles with the ability to conceive, to a time of no period (menopause). Classically, throughout this time your cycles will shorten (that is, you will menstruate more frequently), and then they will lengthen, until your period disappears completely. When 12 months have passed since your last period, you will be able to proudly announce – I have reached the safe shores of the age of wisdom! From now on, I walk in the field of the older, wise women of the tribe!

What can be expected in this transition?

In a way – it is similar to puberty. Exciting, difficult, confusing, complex. Only this time, thank God, you have more grounding, tools, resources and support.

And in order to understand it a little more, let’s take a quick look at what happens to us each month during the fertile years.

I will be concise: most women will tell you that the most challenging time of the month for them is the premenstrual period – those days before menstruation, when your deep wisdom calls you inward, secluding yourself to a place where you can quietly observe your life, while the external environment beckons you to come out and attend to daily chores, which gives rise to anxiety, irritability and “hypersensitivity”.

In a utopian world, these days we would retire to a red tent, sit on the river bank and dream, refresh our lives with idle chatter and soulful conversations with our friends in the village, bleed peacefully and quietly – and only after the end of menstruation return to the multitude of our life roles.

Menstruation (veset in Hebrew)- from the word “regulation” (visut). In a utopian world, it encourages us to stop for a moment, clean out the unnecessary, dismantle what doesn’t fit, rearrange, rest – and return to life with renewed vigor.

And what happens to us on a small scale once a month, happens to us in a BIG way when the menopausal transition comes.

With the coming of our menopausal transition, we begin to give order to life: giving up the unnecessary, cultivating corners we neglected, reordering our priorities – and perhaps, finally, placing ourselves at the top of the list. As estrogen levels drop – so our attentiveness to others also drops – and we see ourselves. We understand what we truly care about, what is important to us, and what we put aside for far too long.

Remember we said it was similar to the premenstrual period? It is indeed similar. It is not comfortable – not for us, and not for our surroundings. One’s body changes. The hormones create a different balance between them. We find ourselves saying, “no more.” We have a newfound freedom.

True.

For some women, this can include hot flashes (an unpleasant but wonderful way to strengthen the immune system and cleanse toxins), changes in libido (not necessarily a decrease, but a change), a feeling of dryness (which can be helped in simple ways) and a few other symptoms.

I’m not here to say that it will necessarily be pleasant or easy.
But puberty wasn’t easy either, was it?

Einat Lev has Gynosympathy; she is very curious about women, life, and creation. For a refreshing, healthy and very positive explanation about menopause, listen to her (Hebrew) lecture “Second Spring” (אביב שני) on her website www.einatlev.com