Functional Frenzy: A Guide to the Pesach-ly Perplexed

Pesach can be anxiety-provoking at the best of times, and these, dear friends, are anything but the best of times. The era that we are living in as a Jewish people is one of the most volatile and stressful times in our people’s recent history. On top of that, during Pesach there is not only an onslaught of extra domestic duties - the cooking, the intense cleaning, buying new clothes, shopping for the kids, organizing school holiday activities, and hosting guests -  but it is also a time laden with spiritual demands. The fear of chametz can make us totally crazy and can make even the usually calm amongst us develop obsessive-compulsive tendencies, perfectionism and anxiety.

In this short article, I’d like to offer you some strategies for dealing with this time of year. But, if you take only this message away, please read these words: 

Know and respect your unique orientation. Our role as women is to hold the all, but this means we also often feel the all. Some of us are highly sensitive to the needs, moods, and dynamics around us. Being sensitive, feeling, empathic beings can sometimes be overpowering and can make completing tasks even more effortful. It’s important to remember that you have a self that needs care whilst you are so busy caring for everything and everyone around you.

Okay, here are some strategies to get through this time with hopefully a bit more lightness…

Learn about your TOO MUCH Let’s think about “normal” stress as being in a place where you can remember the past, have a vision of the future (of why you are doing what you are doing, or for what), and be functioning in the present moment. The space of too much is when one or all of those fall away: You’ve lost sight of who you are and where you come from, you cannot see the future or remember your goal and/or cannot function in the present moment. Think about some past experiences where you were functioning and then suddenly it became too much. What are some of your too much factors? What do you need to do to become aware when you are getting close to the too much boundary? It is obvious, but needs to be said, that too much can be triggered by:

• Not enough sleep

• Lack of exercise

• Unhealthy or insufficient food

• Lack of support

• Financial stress

But, for you, too much could be not getting enough hugs, or laughter, lack of sunshine or creative activity. Before stepping into this time of year, take a moment to reflect on your too much and how you may help yourself to prepare to avoid it one step before it arrives.

Separate your Urgent from your Important There are many things to get done in the day that seem urgent and pressing, but there are often the non-urgent parts of life that are incredibly important that may be overlooked. Important things are usually those that bring us towards:

• Connection to self and others

• Reminder of purpose or overall meaning

• Relationship with love and joy

Urgent matters often are time-bound, temporary and related to ticking off that list. Important matters can rarely be ticked off.

Perhaps start by writing a list of that which is important and that which is urgent at this time of year. The separation of these two things is the first step. How you interact with this list is up to you. You may want to alternate between these lists, making sure that you have time in your days for a bit of each, or you may want to focus on doing that which is urgent and finding ways to help you remember or keep in mind that which is important. 

Highlight your WHY Your spiritual or personal connection to this time of year is very important. Name it and write it down, place it somewhere visible so that it can serve as a reminder in overwhelming or highly stressful moments. “Knowing your why can help you overcome any what”, is indeed a cliché that rings true around the Pesach season: There is certainly a national meaning to the season, but naming your personal connection could be the transformative ingredient to help you overcome all the miniscule “what’s”.

Delegation versus Perfectionism Most of us have our way that we like things done, and some of us can, with all good intentions, tend to want things to be perfect. This may lead to:

• Your doing everything alone and refusing to delegate

• Fixating on unimportant details

• Being hard on yourself when things don’t work out “perfectly”

If this sounds like you, perhaps try ask yourself:

• What are the areas that I want things to be perfect and I want to be in control (i.e.: what is most important to me)?

• What areas am I prepared to let go a little bit? Where can I move from “perfect” to “good enough”?

• In these areas of “good enough”, whose help can I call on? Who can I delegate to? Can I allow myself to practice the art of delegation?

Listen, our exodus from Egypt was a total balagan and we didn’t even have time for meal-prep, let that comfort you that this time of year is certainly not about getting it right, it’s sometimes about just getting it done!

Small Steps Depression tends to keep us in rumination about the past and anxiety makes us worry into the future. In order to stay present and avoid falling into either side, ask yourself this: What is the next most important thing, and what are the three steps that I need to take to get there? Break down the workload into smaller steps and focus on completing them as you go. (I like to tick 'em off my list after for an extra feeling of satisfaction).

Lastly, I’d like to offer you a little trick for your brain. Our nervous systems experience stress/anxiety and excitement with similar symptoms, and it is our brain which discerns and labels. So, next time you feel the stress, try telling yourself that actually you are really excited, see if your body can start believing it!

And, if all else fails, laugh. We’ve been here before, we will be here again, and sometimes some silliness, a bit of self-deprecation and humour are the tonics we need to get through crazy times.

Happy Pesach, friends, may you get through the cleaning with a clear conscience, stable heart rate, and at very least, sense of humour!

Yaela Orelowitz is an Expressive Arts Therapist (https://lighterlifetherapist.com/) who has worked globally in many settings and with a wide range of client groups. She is an Olah Chadasha,  now living in Jerusalem and works with adult and young adult women, both one-on-one and in groups. Yaela specializes in life transitions, anxiety, depression, relationships/ career coaching and self-esteem.