Marrying my husband meant embracing life as an army wife. His service shaped the beginning of our marriage, especially the experience of the separation. This taught me invaluable lessons about resilience, faith, and love. If you, too, are navigating the challenges of being married to a soldier—whether as newlyweds or married to someone who has had extended miluim this year—I hope my journey offers guidance and support to help you navigate your own challenges.
Acknowledging the Struggles
Army life demands strength, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. The long separations, uncertainty, and emotional toll are real. We are often told to be strong, and that we possess the strength to overcome whatever we face. And while that is true, strength doesn’t mean ignoring the struggle. Recognizing our difficulties is the first step toward managing them. Giving yourself permission to acknowledge the hardship (rather than minimizing it) allows you to process it in a healthy way.
Embracing Help
Hashem never gives us a challenge we cannot handle, but that does not mean we must endure it alone. G-d is always with us, offering the strength needed to persevere. Talk to Him, lean on Him, and don’t hesitate to seek support from others. Family and friends may want to help but won’t always know how—be clear in communicating your needs. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness; it is an acknowledgment of our interconnectedness and the importance of mutual support as a vital part of navigating difficult times.
Making the Most of Limited Time
One of the hardest aspects of military life is managing the limited time together. Whether it’s a rare phone call or a short visit, every moment feels precious. I learned that it was not necessarily about finding the perfect way to spend that time, but rather about consciously deciding how we would approach our conversations. It’s easy to let emotions dictate our conversations, but deciding beforehand, intentionally, how to spend that time makes a difference. The key question is: How do we want to spend our time together? By deciding in advance how we wish to engage, we empower ourselves to face each interaction with a sense of clarity and purpose.
The Power of Creativity
Military life forces us to be flexible. Unexpected changes in plans are inevitable, but creativity allows us to find meaning despite disruptions. A postponed Shabbat can turn into a special time with friends. Deployment during your first year of marriage can mean you turn it into a two-year-long “shanah rishonah.” Even an unanticipated errand can be converted into a moment of emotional connection. Embracing adaptability helps transform disappointments into opportunities.
Keeping Perspective
When your husband is away for long periods it can feel like there is no end to the separation, but keeping sight of the bigger picture helps endure the hardship. What remains after the challenge are the lessons learned and the strength gained. The more we keep this perspective in mind during the trial, the more we can approach it with awareness and intentionality. Acknowledging the temporary nature of our current situation helps us stay grounded and focused on the long-term benefits of our struggles.
Finding Light in the Darkness
Army life brings sacrifices, but that doesn’t mean we should neglect joy. If your husband’s leave doesn’t coincide with mikvah night, still take the time to prepare for immersion as an act of self-care. If he’s away for a Chag, create meaningful experiences with family and friends. These moments may not be what you originally envisioned, but they still hold value. Seek out and embrace the light in the darkness.
Halacha: A Guiding Light
Halacha provides wisdom that strengthens the bond between husband and wife. While it may sometimes feel difficult to adhere to all of its guidelines, Halacha keeps Hashem present in our relationships, infusing them with light and blessing.
As its name suggests, Halacha is a path, and like any path, we may occasionally need guidance in navigating it. Seeking guidance from a Rabbi, Yoetzet Halacha, Rabbanit or Kallah Teacher can provide clarity when facing complex situations, and there are many special rulings and considerations that apply to military families. It is essential to be aware of these possibilities and seek guidance when appropriate.
The Importance of Practice
While these principles are straightforward in theory, they are far more challenging in practice. The more we make a conscious effort to apply them, however, the more we will master them in facing the difficulties of army life.
May you find strength and success as you navigate this journey, and may Hashem’s guidance support you every step of the way.
Gabriela (Broner) Moreno is a veteran kallah teacher and graduate of The Eden Center, whose husband spent many years in the military. She teaches a range of brides but specializes in those marrying soldiers. Gabriela also answers questions for the Puah hotline. She can be reached at gabrieluda32@gmail.com.
Comments