Deep breath. Ok, made it. It’s over. Another one down. Ok, out of the water, pat-pat-pat, throw the towel down folded up, don’t look. Clothes on without looking, keep eyes straight ahead as you put your socks on. Check. So far so good. Now the tricky part getting the mascara on without looking at your eyes, blink so it gets everywhere so no shailos later. Getting good at putting on lip liner while keeping your eyes focused on anything but your lips. You’re almost there. Almost safe. Ok, throw on the tichel. [Read more…]
In Judaism, the archetype of prayer is Hana, a barren woman praying for a child. But since my infertility diagnosis, my lips have fallen silent.
It’s not that I no longer believe in God, or even that I’m angry at Him. I’m not bothered by the question of why I’m struggling to conceive. As a religious Jew, I believe there will be times I don’t understand God’s reasons. This is one of those times. [Read more…]
Four words, that’s all it took to throw me off course. It had been 15 days since we left the hospital, 15 days of watching my wife try to hide her tears from the public. 15 days of watching the person I love in the most excruciating pain imaginable. For the three months prior to this I had been watching her glow with excitement, at times stealing glances at her across a room and knowing that we had a special secret.
We knew from friends that we were lucky. Some of our closest couple friends and my wife’s best friend from college had all struggled and some are still struggling to conceive. For us, it was Thank G-d easy — surprisingly so to be honest. We thought from hearing the stories of those around us that we would have months of struggling to conceive. But we were blessed. [Read more…]